Hughesy and Kate have been learning about swinging from our fave swinger Chantelle Austin. She even hosted brekky producer Sacha and button pusher Ash at a swingers party on Friday night (see pic of the three of them ->)! She runs a blog at chantelleaustin.com and this is one of her latest entries on misconceptions about swinging and swingers...
By Chantelle Austin
Swinging is becoming a hot topic and I thought it might be a good time to clear up some of the misconceptions people have about swinging and swingers... These are not the only misconceptions but they are some of the ones I've been hearing lately, or have experienced myself. So here it goes...
1. Despite what you might think, swingers are NOT all old, fat and ugly... Based on my experience, the majority are between 25 and 40, some are in model condition and others have fuller figures but many are quite sexy. There is a good mix of your average person and your professional, parents and business owners. There are all types who engage in the lifestyle so you really can't stereotype what a swinger looks like.
2. Just because a couple swings, doesn't mean they'll have sex with just anyone or everyone. I've personally found this. Some men automatically think that because a woman is a swinger, that she’s available and will want to have sex with him. If they thought she was married and unavailable they'd treat her with respect. Many swingers are no more “easy” than the average person. Some are, some aren't, but it's not a given.
3. Swingers generally aren’t nymphomaniacs. They aren't looking for their next fix to throw down on a bed and take willing advantage of. It's like when some guys find out a woman is a prostitute, they automatically treat them like a slut and assume they'll have sex with anyone... oh, and love it! Not the case... Yes, swingers generally like sex, they may be more adventurous than the average couple but they don’t necessarily NEED sex 3 times a day.
4. “Swinger”, doesn't mean “free to sleep with other people alone”. The female counterpart of a swinging couple often gets asked by guys “so when can I have you to myself?”. This is one of the quickest ways to get stuck off the “potential” list. If you ever get invited to join a couple, respect the relationship and the people in it; it's a privilege to be invited.
5. Many swingers like to flirt but it doesn't mean they are ready to rip someone’s clothes off and jump into bed with them... Swingers tend to be a little more flirtatious and free spirited, and while there are exceptions to every rule, in general it means there is an interest but not necessarily a rush to take it further.
6. Just because they swing, doesn't mean they are into kinky sex or fetishes. Granted, some are, but it's not a given. Some couples don't swap for intercourse and some only have sex in the same room as another couple (it's soft swinging). Whips and chains are not always used, people aren't always dressed in leather or latex and a DP isn't as common as missionary is amongst traditional couples. Seriously, it's not :)
7. Swinging isn't a big wild orgy every time, occasionally yes, just not ALL the time. Sometimes it's just an extra person and it's quite tame. Although my version of tame versus your version of tame could be a little different... Either way, it's not always as wild as some people think with the “money shots” going off in all directions, masses of naked bodies all writhing together in one big hot and heavy, sexual pleasure pot... by the pool or in the grotto :P
8. Swinging isn't a bowl in the centre of the room where people throw their keys and then just pick out someone for the night... Ewww, you never know who you might end up with! Hell no! Although I have heard of a group that do that just for fun now that they all know each other really well. Swingers generally pick their sexual partners, get to know them a little, have some sort of attraction between them before leading them to the bedroom for some hot passionate... well you know what I mean :)
Swingers are selective! Yes they have sex with other people outside of their marriage but people they are attracted to, not just any Tom, Dick and Harry. In most cases they swing together, not alone so it's inappropriate to assume that as a single person, you get the same privilege as you would is they were single.
The only thing you can be sure of is that swingers in general are happier in their relationships, are more adventurous than most, are willing to explore sex and their sexuality and enjoy sex with their partners as well as other people's partners, if the mood is right :)