So summer is nearly here and we all know what that means...Barbeques. The old BBQ can be an absolute farce if you’re under prepared. So we have outlined the top 5 must have items for throwing a successful Aussie BBQ.
5) A Paddle Pool. Purchased at your local toy store for about twenty bucks, the paddle pool is usually around ten sizes too small to fully submerge yourself and covered in a crude cartoon dinosaur print. But the versatility of the common paddle pool is often underestimated and it is for this reason that it has made our top 5.
Not only can the paddle pool be used for a quick refreshing dip, it can also double as an oversized esky. That’s right! Fill the bugger with ice and you have created your own ice bath, suitable for rehabilitating rugby players as well as keeping approximately 20 cartons of CUB’s finest icy cold.
The paddle pool can also double as a bed for the over intoxicated house guest who forwent their “inside” privileges when they threw up half a tonne of sausages and beer on your aunties new open toe sandals. Not only do the inflatable edges of the pool act as a nice soft pillow for the unwanted overnight guest, they also do a great job of containing any loss of bodily fluids.
Above everything else there is nothing like filling up the old kiddie pool and lying for hours on end in the ever increasingly tepid water, bloated and sunburnt.
4) A Bloody Big Telly. Doesn’t matter what it is, Panaplonic, Samdung, Shitsubishi, as long as it’s big, loud and picks up the cricket.
If you don’t have one, borrow one. If your mates won’t lend it to you, “acquire” a projector from your office whack up an old bed sheet and Bobs your uncle!
Make sure above all else you remain in control of the remote. The last thing you want is some Nancy changing the channel to “Bold in the Beautiful” just when Punter’s about to make his double tonne and steer the Aussies to victory. In fact, the only time the channel should change is to check how Hewitt is doing in the tennis then it should be straight back onto Richie Benaud and the boys from the Channel 9 commentary box.
You may think that the telly isn’t important but it gives all your mates something to focus on until they are suitably socially lubricated to talk to the handful of shelias that have regretfully rocked up to your BBQ.
3) Meat BBQ’s need meat and lots of it! The more meat you provide, the more of a man you are!
Provide your BBQ attendees with an array of choices and cuts just make sure you don’t provide any vegetarian alternatives...you don’t want it to look as if you are condoning that sort of behaviour!
Slow cook the big bits, like your lamb legs and whole fillets of beef. Don’t pierce your sausages and throw them on the grill because they spit more than a llama after a trip to the dentist. Remember some meats take longer to cook than others and marination is the key to keeping things tender, so do your research and preparation.
Sorry to get a bit serious on you but when it comes to cooking meat at BBQ, it’s no laughing matter!
2) Alcohol Mans greatest friend and foe all rolled into one! This one is simple, make sure your guests are well lubricated and they’ll be singing the praises of your BBQ for years to come. Go stingy on the grog and you’ll be about as popular as a Casey Donovan at Sizzler.
At your next BBQ make sure you’re a responsible host and provide plenty of other fluids for your guest consumption apart from beer and wine...like gin, vodka and scotch. Remember icy cocktail are always good for keeping you cool as well as some sort of fruity punch that no one knows the exact ingredients to.
As the host you should always drink responsibly and look after your guests by providing them with a bit of water to drink aside what is contained within the bottom of the esky and the paddle pool.
1) An awesome BBQ. Ditch the shitty Webber from 1982 and invest in a real BBQ with 15 burners, inbuilt fridge, a do thing for wokking stuff and beautiful chrome finish that glistens in the summer sun! Why do I need an awesome barbeque I hear you ask? Because the barbeque is funnily enough the life blood of the great Aussie BBQ!
Not only does it provide you with the sustenance to make the day a ragging success but it is also an important congregation point for men and women alike. There is something rather primal about gathering around a fire whilst cooking a massive chunk of meat. For our primal ancestors the man who had the bigger fire and the bigger chunk of meat was seen as the leader, the chief, the livelihood of the tribe. Nothing much has changed the bigger and shiner your BBQ the more respect you earn from your peers and the more adoration you earn from the opposite sex.
In essence having an awesome BBQ is a sign of power, leadership and virility! Therefore is essential for successfully throwing a great Aussie BBQ.
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